This morning as I sat in my big comfy recliner, my Bible and Bible Study book resting in my lap, I read these words:
"Relationships are difficult and can be devastating. But I've found that wrestling my pain out before God is the only healing salve for my brokenness. I believe the Lord has allowed me to go through some immensely painful relationships for the greater good of drawing me deeper into Him. I've gotten to know Him more richly in my losses. And I've learned to love people more deeply in the process." Kelly Minter in "No Other Gods"
As I read this over and over I wept. I recalled a very dark time in my life only about 5 months ago when I sat at this computer musing of my feelings and the agony of "friendships lost" (posted below). I am so often amazed at the "process of God working in our lives." I look back over these last months and realize that I have been on a "God appointed" journey to lead me to this day and beyond.
I have a tendency in my life to be very selective in who I allow to get really close to me. If I do let you in, I am tempted to "possess and cling." I am also a "people pleaser." God wants to be "GOD" in my life... not looking for "life" or "approval/affirmation" from others. He wants me to realize that HE is all that I need and the relationships that He brings into my life are only there to enrich... not fulfill. My "clinging" needs to be... to HIM!
I am sure that at times I will still get my feelings hurt, feel left out and rejected by others, but hopefully through this journey and process... I have learned that HE IS ENOUGH - "HE'S ALL I NEED!"
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FRIENDSHIPS LOST
Some of the greatest hurts in this life.... Are those rendered by one you once called "friend".
My heart is heavy tonight for friends I've lost. And after spending hours looking at scripture, pictures, websites, and wiping my tears, I'm hoping my heart will find solace with some words...
When we recently walked away from our church of 19 years – friends walked away from us.
Some, I think, simply didn't know what to say, so they chose to say nothing. And they still say nothing. Some, I think, felt uncomfortable because of their continued attendance at the church. As if it had to be a choice between, us or church... one or the other. Some, I think, made assumptions rather than ask questions. So they passed judgments about us, our character, and our heart. Some... I don't know that I'll ever understand what happened or why. They're just... gone. And for that I mourn. Deeply.
Tonight I let myself feel it. I let the tears come for friendships lost... For histories that seem to be washed away by futures that will never be... For not knowing if the missing is mutual... For what was... For what is... that I can't change... It's a painful thing to realize that you cared for... much more than you were cared about.
Tonight I talked to God about it—about them—for maybe the first time. And I asked Him to help me trust Him with this, even though—or maybe, because—I don't understand it.
Tonight I'm "trying"... no "choosing" to "rejoice with those who rejoice". Tonight my heart is letting go... And saying goodbye to those I never got a chance to.
And I pray I never stop loving. Stop letting people in. Stop trusting. Stop showing my heart.
Because I know love isn't love if there's no risk involved.
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'Growing' as a human being and as a spiritual being is the most painful process that we have to experience. I read once, that every person we encounter in this life is for our mutual learning and teaching, but we are alike in that when we love, we love deeply and want to possess what we love. I've decided to LOVE...the only risk involved as I see it, is that there is no guarantee that those we love will love us back. But, we are forever blessed by the love we are given to give. I love you Sis and want you to know how much you enrich my life every day.
ReplyDeleteI just loved your comment "blessed by the love we are given to give." The thing that gets me in trouble with this and other things in my life is "when I give my heart... I expect something back." Releasing myself and others of "MY EXPECTATIONS" can greatly reduce the stress on both of us... them and me. "Loving with no expectations... now that is good!" Another part of the "process" :) I love you my dear sister!
ReplyDeleteGod doesn't give you the people you want; He gives you the people you NEED... to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be." You can learn something from every person God brings into your life.
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