KEEPING MY DUCKS IN A ROW... CAN BE EXHAUSTING

As one who is a "control" maniac... I like to have all my "ducks in a row!"  Everything neatly planned, thought through, and done my way!  Or being honest... I am one who needs to give the appearance or at least give the allusion (convincing my own mind) that all my "ducks are in a row!"  I have come to realize that this is the proverbial impossibility.  When I try to gather all the little ducklings of my life and get them in line... ultimately they will scatter.  Some go east, some west, some north, some south... some swim, some fly, some hide, some walk, some run... etc.  They just won't cooperate with the "line-up" system.  Let me give you a few examples of these unruly ducks: 

Personality duckling - Usually you will find her... head in the water - "showing her tail" LOL!
Spiritual life duckling - Keeps getting into muddy/dirty situations and has to have her downy plumage washed over and over and over.  Dirty / Clean - Dirty / Clean - Dirty / Clean.
Wife duckling - Should be meek, loving, and submissive - but I find her mouthy, nagging, and when she even hears that "submissive" word... she waddles off in the opposite direction just a quacking.
Mother duckling - Telling the others... "do as I say - not as I do!"  If you would talk to my grown children they would also tell you that if that doesn't work... she will throw in a "guilt trip" or two!
Family duckling - Will be saying "I'm the BABY" and thinks the whole flock should be catering to her every quack.
Homemaker duckling - All I need to say to let you know how hard this little biddy is to keep in line... I beat a "dust bunny" to death the other day with one of Steve's shoes - thinking that it was a spider on the floor (maybe it won't multiply)!
Bible Study duckling - I can't leave her alone... she must have an "accountability partner."
Prayer duckling - Her duty is to pray and fast... well all she does is "pray fast" and she is off and running!

About the only little duckling that is kept steady is my Salvation duckling!  She was bought with a great price by someone who loved me and given to me as a gift.  I personally can't control her either but thankfully the "Giver" keeps her constant, secure, and in the row.  I've decided that I need to give Him - myself, and in all my "migratings" to follow Him... then over time these other ducklings of mine will fall in line!

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.  (Matthew 6:33)

MAYBE THE LORD IS TRYING TO TEACH ME THAT IF I WILL JUST GET IN LINE BEHIND HIM...THAT HE WILL

 "KEEP ALL MY OTHER WAYWARD DUCKS IN A ROW"!

DO WHAT I CAN - THE REST IS IN HIS HANDS

When I woke this morning... my mind seemed to keep rehearsing this thought in the dress rehearsal of my day... "Lord, let me be a blessing in someone's life today!"  At the end of my pre-performance - I felt inadequate and ill prepared for my desired finale.

And then it seemed as though I heard Him whisper to me, "Just offer what you have, I will make up the difference." 

I remembered the story of the loaves and fish... you know the story, where Jesus is teaching a large, famished multitude, lunch time arrives and there is nothing to feed them.  No catering service (those who know me well... know this would have been my solution), no KFC or McD's nearby.  All that anyone in the crowd has to offer is: a young lad has five loaves and two fish... he is willing to give to Jesus what he has.  

In the hands of Jesus...

"And when he had taken the five loaves and the two fishes, he looked up to heaven, and blessed, and brake the loaves, and gave them to his disciples to set before them; and the two fishes divided he among them all. And they did all eat, and were filled. And they took up twelve baskets full of the fragments, and of the fishes."  
(Mark 6:41-43)

AGAIN I AM REMINDED OF THE FACT... THAT WHAT HE DESIRES FROM ME IS MY WILLINGNESS... I MUST OFFER WHAT I HAVE... HE WILL MAKE IT ENOUGH!

I faced my day with renewed confidence and set out to accomplish being that blessing --- knowing...

IN THE HANDS OF JESUS... A LITTLE IS A LOT,

EVEN MORE THAN ENOUGH!

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME"

Attached is an article that our son Stephen wrote:  (His ability with words never ceases to astound me)!  Just wanted to share with each of you!

Beyond the flesh that covers our bones... seeping beyond those bones... into the very recesses of our being... dwell wounds from lies... either secretly spoken to us by ourselves, others, or the devil himself.   Like a cancer in the lymph system of our body... they infiltrate every part of who we are... distorting the shape and brilliance of the precious pearl that would amaze if ever allowed the light of day.  Hugs, Sylvia 

“WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?”

...in an attempt to answer "what's wrong with me", I gripped my pen and poured these words.

I can count on six fingers the times within this week that the above phrase has been uttered in my ears. In "expected counseling mode", the reply to such a question ranges in or around the phrase, "there is nothing wrong with you", yet rarely does that convince or change the utterers mind. It is a classic under-statement to merely say the utterer truly believes there is something wrong. The utterer thinks it in their mind, believes it in their mind, convinces it in their mind, dwells on it in their mind, thus, creating the core of their mind. Any failure of any magnitude registers another tidly-wink in the "there is something wrong with me" tablet. Furthermore, being one of the utterers myself, I stand on the soles of the countless that have uttered said phrase. Standing in one's sole doesn't reflect a "I know exactly what you're going through" mentality, yet it signals a common bond of whispering "I've been there, you can lean on me while you answer your own question."

Thus, for investigative purposes, and using the one skill I pretend to possess as a decorator of words, I wrote my answer to my uttered question:

What is this beam in mine eye
that hides and distorts the world?
It is the lie unto thy self
that binds this oysters pearl.

I share my answer realizing that unbelieving a fiction is a grand task. Rejection begins a revolution in the mind that becomes a lie of the grandest scheme. Rejection, inevitably, writes with a permanent marker, "there is something wrong with me" on our frontal lobes, but as seen with my own eyes, permanent marker doesn't really last permanently. I wrote with a blue Sharpie "there is something wrong with me", on my left forearm (I'm righthanded), Tuesday afternoon. As I'm typing this on Friday morning, the "w" in the word "with" is all that smudgingly remains. Not diminishing the tragedies that have led all of us utterers to believe a lie (for some have believed the lies for innumerable years, thus extra-scrubbing may be prescribed) but for sake of a brief thought, the thesis of my science object lesson rendered this: if I don't continue to reapply the permanent marker, the words fade away. In essence, if I discontinue believing my own lie or re-adjust and altar my vantage point, I just may allow my heart, my smile, my worth, my grandness, my most valuable part of me, that part so few have seen because I hid it, that part that I've had locked away for only me to see, that part that is more precious than platinum, that part that God gave only to me - my pearl will amaze all that behold!

End of attempt.
Thank you for reading.
Much love.

Just a thought concerning - "Just Something I Made"

I love visiting the website and facebook page of "Just Something I Made" www.justsomethingimade.com  (website created by Cathe Holden)

It is a site dedicated to sharing DIY projects and ideas, which have always captured my attention and stimulated my creative juices into action.  For some reason today though... everytime I have even seen that name scroll down my newsfeed on Facebook - I could not help but think... LORD, DO YOU EVER STAND IN FRONT OF YOUR ANGELS - WITH ME IN THE PALM OF YOUR HANDS AND PROCLAIM... "JUST SOMETHING I MADE"?  On this website, creations are displayed with pride and accomplishment of a job well done... of enhanced beauty from something less desirable.  THAT IS TRULY WHAT THE LORD HAS DONE IN MY LIFE... HE CREATED ME AND NOW HE IS TAKING MY LIFE, MOLDING, AND MAKING ME (something less desirable) INTO A FIGURE OF ENHANCED BEAUTY, FIT FOR HIS SERVICE!

"Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me"  (Isaiah 49:16)

"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."  (Psalm 139:14)

LORD, MY DESIRE IS THAT WHEN YOU DISPLAY ME AS "JUST SOMETHING I MADE"... THAT IT IS DONE WITH PLEASURE AND PRIDE!  MY DESIRE IS TO BE PLEASING TO YOU AND TO BRING HONOR AND GLORY TO YOU!

Music on the Blog... YeeHaw!

In honor of hitting 2,500 "page views" on this blog... music has been added for your listening pleasure.  However, if you do not appreciate my repertoire of song selections please feel free to mute while you read :)  Thank you for dropping in on occasion and reading the rantings of my heart.  The numbers are no big deal... just an encouragement to me that you came... kicked off your shoes... and sat with me for a spell.

YA'LL COME BACK NOW - YA HEAR!

BLESSINGS TO ALL WHO ENTER

www.playlist.com 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY

When I woke this morning I sang "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" to my daddy.  Had he lived he would of been "82" today (March 6).  On March 13 he will have been in Heaven for 11 years.  I had to wonder if you celebrate birthdays in Heaven... if so, I'm sure he requested a Molasses "Lassy" Cake made with my mom's homemade applebutter between each layer :)

Junior B. Pack - 3/6/29 - 3/13/2000

Ceramic squirrels running up the wall, neatly lined cans of nails and screws saved, buildings full of rummage that nothing in were worth selling without a little "dickering," your favorite recliner with the electric heated throw where you napped holding your head in your hand, sheepish grins when you stuck your cold hands on one of us and heard our shrieks, the smell of "Mennen aftershave," blue eyes that deepened bluer when you wore a blue shirt, sandy brown hair with just a hint of gray, the twinkle in your eye when you looked at momma, loving to do little pranks on those you cared for, longing to be in attendance at the old white Primitive Baptist Church in Jumping Branch, baptisms in the creek at Streeter, watching you wipe tears as you were blessed by the preaching of men called of God whom you loved, church dinners and company for dinner brought joy to your heart, serving communion at church in your role as a "deacon" or bowing yourself to wash a brother's feet seemed to cause your bent frame to straighten and you to stand even taller, your tender parenting with the two girls who were the "apples of your eye" and who adored their daddy, a love for your son-in-laws as if they were truly the sons you never had of your own, a pride for the grandchildren and great grandchildren that you loved deeply and who loved you back all the same, pain that for years racked your body but no complaints were uttered from your lips, feet and hands drawn with arthritis but never slowed you down, a gentle meekness that in no way could be judged as weakness... these are only a few of the things I've thought of today as I've celebrated your birthday in my own special way. 

In all the tears I've shed... I've also laughed at some of your fun ways, at the time you told me I was serving you "cake" with your brown beans because I used yellow corn meal and a little sugar in the cornbread... the time you and mom came to visit and I fixed you the custard pie that you said was good but weak (still not sure what that meant)... the days I stayed with you when mom had surgery and had to tell you several times - I wasn't momma because of you telling me she didn't do things the way that I was... at the time you put on mom's housecoat and wig and went into the men's bathhouse at Bass Lake... at you telling us you wanted your funeral at the funeral home in Shady and not at the church - because you were expecting a big crowd (and you had one)!

I don't think there will ever be a day that I don't think of you and miss you... but days when I can celebrate your memory with tears and laughter are definitely "GOOD DAYS!"

LOVE AND MISS YOU DADDY... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

SOMETIMES IT'S DARK

Psalm 143:7  “Hear me speedily, O LORD:  my spirit faileth: hide not thy face from me, lest I be like unto them that go down into the pit.”

For the past several years… February and March have been very difficult months for me.  At times it seems as if the darkness is even “darker” during this time.  In 2000 we celebrated daddy’s birthday on March 6 and He went to be with the Lord one week later on March 13.  Then in 2008 on February 4 my mom and I made a dreaded visit to her doctor’s office to get some test results, only to be told that she had cancer and it had spread and metastasized to her liver.  Eighteen days later she went to be with the Lord on March 22. 

Awhile back I heard this story and was moved by it's content: 

There once was a family that consisted of a husband and wife and their little girl. One day, the wife was killed in a terrible car accident. The night of the funeral, after all the family had gone home, the man took his little girl home for the first time with no one else around and they were very lonely. The man tucked his daughter into bed and flipped the light switch. She gasped as he did and cried "Daddy, I'm scared. I can't see you. Can I come sleep in your room?" "Sure, honey" the father said. They climbed into bed and the daddy kissed the little girl goodnight. He reached over and turned the bedside lamp off and the little girl started crying again. "Daddy, it's dark in here, and I can't see you. Are you still here?" "Yes, sweetie I'm still here" the dad reassured her. "Well are you facing me right now?" she inquired in a concerned voice. "Yes, I'm facing you." "Okay, then I think I can fall asleep now." And within a few minutes she was fast asleep.

In the dark of the midnight, the father lay awake. He missed his wife terribly. He was so unsure about the future and how he was going to raise their little girl. His heart was broken and it seemed darker than it had ever been before. Finally, he slipped out of bed and onto his knees. He prayed "Father, It's dark. I can't see you right now… are you still here." He felt the Lord say "Yes, child, I'm still here." "God, I'm scared… are you facing me right now." "Yes, Child, My face is always turned toward you." "Okay, then I think I can go to sleep now." The man crawled back into bed and fell fast asleep with the peace of God in his heart.

Many times at night when my mind is active and my heart breaking… I often ask the Lord:  “Is your face still turned toward me?  It’s really dark for me right now.”

We may even cry out in despair:  "God it seems you are a million miles away.  I can't feel you, I can't see you, and it's so dark!  Is your face turned toward me?" 

Let me assure you of this very thing:  He has His face turned toward you today, and the darker it gets, the closer He becomes.

Isaiah 59:1 “Behold the Lord’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither is His ear heavy, that He cannot hear:”  

I Peter 5:7  "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."

I want to live with God’s face always toward me.  I want to experience – in the dark of night as well as the light of day, the reality of His constant presence!  

It is in this that I find rest even in my darkest hours.